Production, it’s not what it used to be. Part II

I went to the Rogue Winterfest today and took a walk around the trees displayed. There were some pretty fancy things there. I loved this ornament.  It made me think how nice it would be to have a little trailer that I could take and go wherever a whim suited me to go. I’m feeling like a trip, a long trip in a trailer, would be good for my soul about now.

A cozy Christmas Camper

A cozy Christmas Camper

Two nights ago I was watching the most recent Grey’s Anatomy. It is one of the few shows I enjoy watching.  I typically watch it after the fact on the computer. Do any of you watch it? Well, there is a baby on this episode that is needing heart surgery. I didn’t realize until late into the show that the baby in question had the same condition as my son Kevin had. Today would have been  his 27th birthday. They didn’t have successful surgeries for his condition in 1985. Hypo-plastic left heart syndrome was a sure death sentence for babies.  They had tried a few experimental surgeries in St. Louis back then, but all the babies had died on the table. My husband and I decided to not put our baby through that. I wanted to just hold him as long as I could.  I didn’t want to have him pass away on a sterile cold surgical table without the warmth of his mama.  And so I did…I held him every single minute I could until his last breath was gone. Even tho it was 27 years ago….I always find myself feeling a little tilted from about December 7th until after the 13th. He passed on the 12th. My youngest brother’s birthday is on the 13th. That is my reminder that it is time to move on.,  This year, because of watching this show two days ago, I had it brought to my attention a bit more strongly than it has been in many years.  Typically, since it has been so long, it is a slow awareness that brings it to my attention.  Noticing the date and having my mind jolted into “oh yeah…that’s why I feel a bit off”.   I hope you all don’t mind me sharing this with you…sometimes sharing things eases the weight of them a bit.

That same show held another moment for me. Bailey is struggling with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I was diagnosed as being “symptomatic” of OCD years ago. I haven’t  really noticed it  being problematic or pervasive much over the last few years, that is, until moving to this house I am living in. Being where things are so broken and ugly and clutterd and just funky has made me feel more anxious. There is not one room in the entire house that is completely “normal” with everything in working order and painted and cleaned. It kinda wears on me.

So that is why this little trailer caught my eye. It made me think about just wanting to get in a trailer that was all cute and cozy and just go with the flow. Wherever I wanted to go.  Of course, that isn’t going to happen.  But sometimes…letting our minds wander like that, thinking about a trip to wherever, it can help one to get through the moment.

For many many months I was really struggling with pain and  decreased energy.  That was the reason for starting this thread on low production.  Each day all my energy was used just to get a meal and maybe a shower.  It started with the intense heat of the summer, then the smoke from the fires and then the weather changed dramatically in late September and the pain in my joints escalated to where I wasn’t doing much of anything.  Or at least that is how it felt to me.

I had always been so active in the past.  I worked hard and played hard.  I work and worked a lot, always at physically hard jobs.  I worked in food service for years.  If you have been a waitress you know how demanding that is.  I worked at the brown truck company as a pre-loader lifting approximately 50,000 lbs worth of packages a day.  I owned/operated my own businesses, first doing housekeeping and then lawn maintenance.  Then I went back to school at the age of 35.  Single mom, working as a nursing assistant as well as still mowing some lawns a couple days a week in addition to taking classes to get into a nursing program.   It took me 10 years of schooling, all the time working  and raising kids and keeping a house, to get my degree as a registered nurse.  It’s been almost 3 years since I have worked at a regular job and it is still hard for me to accept.  And now, living in this house that needs so much attention and has so much cleaning to be done, while not having the strength or energy to do it,  is really hard.  Especially for someone that has symptoms of OCD. Every day I would hope to be able to clean an area or fix up something, but I just couldn’t stay out of bed long enough for weeks on end.

Then, just a couple weeks ago, the weather changed again.  We hit a cold spell.  A very DRY frigid cold spell.  Low and behold, my energy has been better.  My pain has been reduced.  NO, it is not gone, but it is better than it has been for over 4 months.  It’s been good now for nearly two weeks.  The increased energy has come at a good time.  It is the holiday season.  I have things I’ve wanted to do and things I  want to accomplish.

I am not much of a gift buyer, but I do enjoy making gifts.  As most of you know the holidays take energy if one enjoys participating.  So, I am grateful for this current improvement.  I don’t know how long it will last.  I never know if tomorrow will find me hurting too much to do more than the basics again.   I am doing the best I can to do what brings me enjoyment and fulfillment each day that I get that I feel well.  This house…it isn’t going to get fixed over the holidays. In fact, it is possible that it will never really get fixed during the time I live here.   But I can do a few things to make it have a bit of coziness during the month of Christmas.  I can bake and create lovely aromas to entice smiles and warm memories for anyone who comes by.  I can make gifts of food to share with friends and neighbors to bring a smile to their face.

These will be nice little gifts to have sticking out of a bag or stocking!  :)

These will be nice little gifts to have sticking out of a bag or stocking! 🙂

So, production WAS down and now it is better.That is how it has been with the Layers too.  They went through a rough summer.  They were moved to a small funky coop in town.  They were put with another group of chickens.  They had to deal with the heat and the smoke.  And then they molted.  But now they are looking beautiful and giving us about 8 eggs a day.  They are in a new season and production is good.  It could change again.   Production changes with the ever changing environment.  I guess I’m not so different from the chickens.  🙂

DSC_1830

I think there are still a few girls holding out. They must not have heard the rumor about the stew pot.

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Honor diversity. Equal rights. Special rights. No rights.

One of the fun things about having a blog is I get to share my musings with all of you and open dialogue to learn more about people.  This is a bit out of the usual for me, but something in this situation struck a chord of thoughtfulness and inspection.

Honor diversity.  Equal rights.  Special rights.  No rights.

I saw this link Student Denied Diploma on Facebook.  A comment I read related to the video said they hope NBC does a follow-up to see if anyone was wearing any religious symbols.  That got me thinking.

How have we arrived to this place?  We did it ourselves.  We opened up all the doors and said all is acceptable and all is well.  We want each individual to be themselves and everyone to be respectful of all the differences. Which is the way I believe it should be by the way.  Yet, a young girl can’t wear something because a PERSON in a place of POWER said so.  Friends, I don’t think that is ever going to change.  There are always going to be people who are in places of power that will have the ability to define what is acceptable or not in that particular setting and they can re-define those rules at will.

I would like to have seen a video of the entire class of students walking in to the graduation at Escambia Academy High School.  I would have been interested to see if there were any students or staff wearing jewelry. Maybe some bore a religious symbol at their neck such as a cross or a pentagram or a star of David.  Or maybe they had their religious symbols of protection or honor or remembrance under their caps and gown, such as garments or a kippa.

Were there any pony tail holders or bow ties.  How about makeup? Who is deciding what “extraneous items” are?  What about tattoos with various meanings for the wearer as well as the beholder?  Essentially, one person, or an entity that one person spoke for, decided a feather was the one thing not allowed.

We can’t change others.  We have to find what is acceptable and tolerable within ourselves and know it so we can act appropriately in situations like this young woman faced.  This wise girl made a decision, a choice.  She knew that there was potential for some type of fall-out if she wore the feather.  She had asked permission and been denied.  She had seen the dress code contract and did not sign it.  She made the choice of what was acceptable to her.  It was NOT acceptable to go without her feather.  Wearing the symbolic feather was more important than the potential consequences that could come from doing something she had been told was not acceptable in that environment.

I know if I float the river I will get wet, I may end up in the river and there is a possibility I could die.  I make my decision to float the river accepting of all the possibilities of the power the river has over my life if I go there.

I know if I float the river I will get wet, I may end up in the river and there is a possibility I could die. I make my decision to float the river accepting of all the possibilities of the power the river has over my life if I go there.

Chelsey Ramer actually showed more maturity and thoughtful decision-making than the Headmaster.  To me it sounded like the Headmaster was coming at it from a stand of power, not of personal honor. I’m sorry the student is having to deal with some fall-out, yet it sounds like she is taking appropriate recourse and maybe it will be handled differently in the future.  It all depends on who is in the position of power.

The one thing I can do consistently when up against that type of power is make my decision based on what I can live with.  Having a strong understanding of what is acceptable to me will make my decisions easier as life unfolds.  Stand true to yourself always, even amidst the fallout of life!