December. Bah-humbug. Okay, not really, but it could have been if I had allowed my attitude to venture that way. I am not a lover of winter. I am a sun worshiper. When the days get shorter and the skies are more gray than blue and they have a tendency to leak tears over the lands, I get a bit of the blahs.
I decided in the early part of the month that I needed to let things that were bothering me slide off my back. What was bothering me you ask? Well, lots of things actually. The biggest was not being able to spend time with my grandson for his birthday or any time over the holidays. I also have a few issues with this house we live in. It’s not easy living in a house of disrepair, and the thought of trying to bake and cook and decorate and bring it to holiday life was a bit daunting. And of course, as always, there is the issue of living with chronic pain and the limitations that places on me and the various ways low energy and high pain levels have impacted my life. No job, no money, no freedom to do all that I would want to do. That’s just a few of the things…get the drift?
It started snowing here around the 5th of the month. And it got cold. Frigid cold for this part of the country. We were in the teens and even some single digits for the first half of December. Guess what??? My body had not felt so good since early June! The dry cold air made my hot tight joints and tissues feel so much better. So I started my baking. We were nearly snowed in for a couple of days, because the combination of 6 inches of snow and then the freezing temps made the streets impassable. There just weren’t enough plows and other equipment for the city to keep things clear.
Anyhow, we got a tree, and the decorations came out, and the baking continued and before I knew it Christmas had arrived. My guys two youngest were with us and we had a nice, yet quiet and low-key holiday. I let the messes roll off my back. I didn’t look at the parts of the house that are still broken. I ignored the untended leaves all over outdoors. I just enjoyed my pain levels being down, being able to bake and cook and interact with friends.
And then it was the day after Christmas. My boyfriend wanted me to travel with him to take his daughter to the airport. It was a 10 hour round trip drive. I don’t do riding in the car well. I typically break up any trips I take into 2-3 hour driving segments each day! I warned him that I could well end up in bed for a couple of days. The weather also had taken a turn. It was foggy and the humidity was up.
I got home and went to bed and stayed there for a little over 2 days. And guess what? The blues came over me with a vengeance. Each time I would hobble out of the bedroom to get a glass of water or use the bathroom or just say hi to everyone, I noticed everything that is still needing fixing in the house. And of course the post holiday messes, with all the extra food and new appliances taking up space and the decorations looking not quite as festive but instead a little more cluttering. It just would hit me in waves. Then the limitations of energy and the pain being bad really knocked those negative thoughts into full speed. I was not liking where my thoughts were going. Not at all.
Yesterday I got out of bed and went to my regular support group meeting. I shared how I was concerned about my thinking and how I needed to probably get a little help with it. I promised to make an appointment with my doctor and to talk to her about maybe doing a little counseling. I realized, I’ve had quite a bit on my plate in the last 3 years and having a professional to talk to and give some perspective might help. I told my group of friends to hold me accountable, because I have been here before, in a dark depression and I know how to put my smiley face on for everyone else to see, and that will get me no where in a hurry.
When I got home from my meeting, I was tending to the chickens when my little feral kitty, Muffin, came around the corner. I decided to go grab my new camera that I had got for Christmas and do a little photo session. The cool air felt good on my face. It was a fairly decent day out. I looked around at the leaves and the remnants of things that had once had life, but were now just brown decaying bits of debris in my flower boxes and decided to do a little work. I grabbed my gloves and away I went. I pulled up all the dead and decaying matter and threw it into the corner of the yard. I raked up all the leaves under the apple tree and hauled them over and dumped them into the chicken run. I figured that might help keep the mud down for a little while. I got the shovel and tended to the doggie droppings. When my guy came out to see what was going on, I got him to clean off the lawn chairs and put them away for the season. I cleaned up the area where we had spent a few summer evenings having BBQ’s. Then more photos of the animals that were out enjoying the weather with me. I love my animals. They always can bring a smile to my face. And the fresh air and being outdoors…..that helps too. Gets me connected to God. I beat the blues for another winter day.
When I started writing this it was going to be more about just sharing photos of the animals…but then I got carried away. I started sharing my thoughts and feelings. I guess that helps with the blues too. If you are having some wintertime blahs and blues, I encourage you to get outdoors and get some fresh air, pet a dog or cat, and talk to someone about it. Sharing really is a great way to lessen the burden of blues. I hope you enjoy the photos! They are a variety that was taken over the course of the last month!