I had forgot (which I am grateful for all the other months of the year) how challenging February is for me. I typically really suffer with my physical ailments this month because of so many weather changes always occurring. I also know from years of experience that my depression often is at it’s worse during the coldest darkest times of the year. Especially in Oregon. Rain, rain, and more rain.
Since I moved to S. Oregon it has been a little improved, as far as the depression goes. Yet, I can still feel that it is there. I am doing all I know to keep it at bay and it is not as bad as I have experienced in the past. I have not allowed myself to hole up at home for days on end. I only allow myself to cut myself off from everyone for a 24 hour period at a time. So…at least every other day I FORCE myself to get out of my trailer. I make myself do something away from home. It might only be going to the library to check out a movie or book and use the internet for an hour, or maybe going to a girlfriends to visit for an hour, but I get OUT of bed and out of the house!
I have been doing so much better than last year in regards to my pain issues and my depression. Most of my closer friends have noticed the change over the last few months. But I am feeling the barbs of winter piercing my peace. Fortunately, I am finally able to keep tucked back in the recesses of my schemas…this will pass!!! Winter will pass. The constant weather changes will pass. Flowers will be blooming soon. I can start planning my garden. I will look forward to floats in the river with my friends. This is a huge change from years past.
When depression hits, it is so hard to be able to remind yourself of happier times. It is so hard to be able to hold on to the idea that it will pass. Even when you can cognitively rationalize your sadness and lack of energy, it can be impossible to force oneself to “be happy”.
So today…I accept that my thoughts and feelings will pass. I know this from experience. Winter will come to an end. Spring will erupt and things will bloom and the days will get lighter and the air warmer and the music brighter!
It has take so many years and so much help to get to this point. I am just grateful today that I realize…this too shall pass!
If you are struggling with SAD (seasonal affective disorder) or depression or pain related to the weather…have heart!!! The weather changes! And…you can change other things in your life to help too. We have choices in our life of what we let affect us. While my depression was at a lower level, I programmed myself with as much positive enforcement as I could to help me through the hard time. I am finding it to be helpful. When things get really bad, I tell someone. I remind myself that it is temporary..whatever is making my heart and soul ache. And I give myself a break. No one feels happy, joyous and free all the time. I accept the bad with the good these days.
Do you struggle in the winter…with depression? With SAD? With winter in general? I would love to hear how you deal.