Morning unfolding!

The moon sitting in the Southwest horizon this morning was still shining brightly

The moon sitting in the Southwest horizon this morning was still shining brightly

The morning sounds…they drew me. I awakened in the dark. Silence. Nothing….until it is interrupted by the first calls of the rooster. The dark has a glowing to it,  in an early morning way. The intervals between calls from the roosters are interspersed with song. The song of nature. I love the morning bird songs. The calls and coos and chirps and whistles. It is soothing to my soul.  I watched the window, seeing the dark turn to day in that slow lazy way it turns over. I feel something tugging at me.  I had to go outside. I needed to be part of that first light of day.

The dew on the grass dampened my sandaled feet. There is a cool slow breeze that brushed past my legs that peeked out from below my robe. The Layers and The Littles were beginning to coo and move about inside their refuge of nighttime safety.

Pink and white clouds against the blue sky!

Pink and white clouds against the blue sky!

I looked up! What a beautiful morning it is. The moon still hanging in the southwest was quite lovely to see. Some white and pink clouds mingled against the backdrop of bright blue sky. My senses enjoyed the sights and smells and sounds that were ringing in the morning. I was present!

After walking the perimeter of the barn and enjoying the views and vistas from all the vantage points the girls were letting me know in very insistent pecking noises that they were ready to be outdoors too!!! Tawyna was the first one out the door today. Good morning girls!!! Oh, and Pumpkin too. After fluffing their feathers and running around a few times each one settles into the time-honored chore of pecking at the ground for what they can find! Time for me to head back upstairs.

Moonlight and sunlight make a beautiful morning sky!

Moonlight and sunlight make a beautiful morning sky!

My first spring morning being outdoors and enjoying all the blessings of this special time of day. Thank you God for the gift of this day!

Advertisements

Memorial Day Weekend…and May 30th!

This flag was unfurled and hanging today from the 7th street bridge in Grants Pass, OR!  God Bless America!

This flag was unfurled and hanging today from the 7th street bridge in Grants Pass, OR! God Bless America!

Today, millions of American’s celebrated Memorial Day in various ways . Some have enjoyed a three-day weekend. Many activities involving being outdoors have been enjoyed. BBQ’s, camping trips, family gatherings. I myself have done some frolicking on this National “holiday” weekend. This clip is one taken by my boyfriend at the races on Saturday at Boatnik, in Grants Pass, OR. Yes, I do like loud and fast!!!

” title=”Boatnik speedboat races.”>

Before going to the races we had driven to Eugene for the Track and Field State Championships. It was a quick trip, but enjoyable!

OSAA  Track and Field State Championships 2013

OSAA Track and Field State Championships 2013

293

319

338

I also have paused numerous times and thought how grateful I am for the thousands of men and women who have died so that I am able to enjoy anything I choose to this Memorial day weekend.

When I was a kid, Memorial day was not the same for me as it was for everyone else. You see…when I was born, Memorial day was not part of an entire weekend “holiday”. Memorial day was my Birthday. May 30th. That was when Memorial Day used to be observed. As a small child I remember visiting the cemetery (that’s one of the things we always did) and thinking how lovely that everyone made it look so pretty for my birthday. 🙂 Hey…I was just a little kid.

The Canadian Geese and their goslings were in abundance.  The space on the Rogue was shared by man and beast this weekend!

The Canadian Geese and their goslings were in abundance. The space on the Rogue was shared by man and beast this weekend!

In 1971 it was changed to being observed on the last Monday in May, allowing American’s yet another three-day weekend. That was the beginning of this day of remembrance getting a bit muddled. I know as a kid I didn’t like it as much, because we didn’t do the same things on my birthday that we had before. The festivities of going and seeing all the pretty flags and flowers was now done on the Monday…and my birthday lost something.

Looking down at the flag from standing on the bridge..next to one of many Vets in attendance.

Looking down at the flag from standing on the bridge..next to one of many Vets in attendance.

At some point in my adult life my Grammy and I began observing Memorial Day on my birthday again. It was part of the day that I enjoyed and looked forward to so much. I would go to her house and if we were fortunate there would be fresh roses to be cut from Bam-Bam’s (my grandfather) rose garden. We would gather them up and collect a few milk jugs full of water and off we went. The last time we were there we placed flowers on my both of my grandfather’s graves and on my son’s. That was the last time I was there on my birthday. Grammy has been gone now for nearly 10 years. I have not placed flowers at any of the family members graves on my birthday, the “real” Memorial Day in 10 years!

The lineup for the last heat of races on Memorial Day.

The lineup for the last heat of races on Memorial Day.

It was just about 10 years ago that Memorial day took on another meaning for me. My middle son was in the Army. He served with friends who lost their lives while on a mission. He performed requested duties in military observances for fallen soldiers. During those years that he served, I became friends with a group of wonderful online friends on a site called Strykernews.com. More than once it was a somber day of sharing our experiences and strengths and hopes to help someone get through the loss of a family member. It was during these years that I really investigated and became aware of what Memorial Day was really about.

 

The reflection caught my eye as we were leaving for home.  It had been a good weekend...a memorable one!

The reflection caught my eye as we were leaving for home. It had been a good weekend…a memorable one!

It is a day to pay our respects to the fallen soldier. To give honor to those that served and made the ultimate sacrifice. It is a time to say a prayer for the families left behind that mourn their beloved family member. We can still enjoy festivities along with showing honor and respect. But the honor and respect and remembering all that are fallen…that must be first. That is what the true Memorial Day is about!

 

The final view of the flag as we left the park.  So proud to be American.  So grateful for those that sacrificed all!!!

The final view of the flag as we left the park. So proud to be American. So grateful for those that sacrificed all!!!

More growth!

Any time with this precious little boy is worth any discomfort to me!  Grandchildren are the gift of living life and staying alive!

Any time with this precious little boy is worth any discomfort to me! Grandchildren are the gift of living life and staying alive!

I am uncomfortable in my life right now. It is not the first time, nor will it be the last. One thing that I hold on to…I have much to be grateful for no matter all the circumstances of a day or even a couple of weeks.

I had many experiences during the last couple weeks. I had revelations. I had “ahaa” moments. I laughed and cried and was hugged as well as rejected. I felt loved and gratitude as well as judgement of my life today as well as for past sins. It was a heck of a couple weeks.

I was with family!!!

This pot was my Grammy's. My daughter has it and has filled it with her son the last two years.  Violets were Grammy's favorite!

This pot was my Grammy’s. My daughter owns it now and her and my grandson keep it filled each spring. This year it has violets…Grammy’s favorite!

My chosen family as well as my birth family and the family I birthed myself. That is just too much family for anyone to deal with in a 10 days time at my age. Seriously!

I have so many thoughts and emotions going on after finally arriving back to my little haven, which has it’s own issues. There are 35 baby chicks in the shop under my apartment and they are 13 weeks old and stink to the high heavens. One of my own layers is being a rogue at night and not coming in to roost! I have a mouse that comes at night and steals the treats I leave on the mousetrap! The last little bit I had set aside to rely on financially was depleted by a substantial amount from this trip. More than I anticipated. I pretty much came home broke!

Welcome to my life! It’s the only one I have. It has never ever been an easy life. I believe it is because of that I find such solace in my Layers and my Littles and my quiet life in the hills and dales of Southern Oregon. Most of the time anyhow.I caught this Gray Heron fishing on the Rogue River!  Amazing!

 
I caught this Gray Heron fishing on the Rogue River! Amazing!

I left home on Thursday April 26th to spend the night in town with my guy before leaving on my journey. I had an early departure to caravan with another vehicle of friends heading to Seaside on Friday morning at 8:30 am! I was going on retreat at the beach! It was going to be wonderful!

This was at the rest area just south of Salem.  I stopped there 29 years ago on May 30th, my birthday bringing home my 2nd son from being born at Salem Hospital!

This was at the rest area just south of Salem. I stopped there 29 years ago on May 30th, my birthday bringing home my 2nd son from being born at Salem Hospital!

Stopped here for lunch

Stopped here for lunch

This cute guy seemed to be questioning me.  I was drawn to him.  He had two legs and wings.  I miss my girls when I am gone!

This cute guy seemed to be questioning me. I was drawn to him. He had two legs and wings. I miss my girls when I am gone!

The Oregon coast is so beautiful!  This was just north of Tillamook, OR

The Oregon coast is so beautiful! This was just north of Tillamook, OR

My caravan headed up I-5 with a stop at a rest area, a gas station and then lunch in Forest Grove, OR. I lived there back in the 1980’s. I still have a dear friend in the nearby town of Gaston that I try to visit whenever I am passing through. We passed one another on the highway the day I was heading to the coast! 🙂 (I also stopped in and saw him for a few minutes on my way back through headed to The Dalles). I also lived in Forest Grove back in the 1980’s and gave birth to my daughter in her Great Grandparents house there!

The beach was lovely. I was tired after traveling. I really don’t travel well. It exacerbates many of my pain issues. Saturday morning I woke in blinding pain. My fibro was in full swing! The change in the barometer as well as the 8 hour ride in the truck the day before had taken a toll. But I had offered to cook breakfast for any and all that wanted it so I forced myself to get up and move!!! Thank goodness I did lots of prep the night before. I was serving O’Brien hash browns and Bacon Mushroom and Swiss Fritatta for 9am breakfast and I cooked for 15. I was working in an unfamiliar kitchen. I cried while cooking. I was embarrassed about my pain and yet I followed through and did what I said I would do. It hurt physically no matter what I did, so at least I had to sense of accomplishment when it was done.

This was my view on a Saturday morning....I found some spiritual connection here...thank you God!

This was my view on a Saturday morning….I found some spiritual connection here…thank you God!

A nicely appointed kitchen for a rental place!

A nicely appointed kitchen for a rental place!

Bacon, spinach and swiss frittata made with eggs from my girls!

Bacon, spinach and swiss frittata made with eggs from my girls!

I went back to bed and slept for a few hours and then was up and out to workshops. I enjoyed a nice dinner with lots of old and new friends and then was back to the lovely accomodations at the lodge and a good nights rest. After a closing prayer on the beach Sunday morning with hundreds of people hunting clams in the distance, the retreat was over and it was time to head up the Columbia Gorge to help my daughter in the first days after a shoulder surgery.

Let me just say right now…I love my kids to a fault! I forgive them many things in hopes of being forgiven for my past misdeeds. I need to stop doing this! Not the loving part, but doing above and beyond the usual for others at this time in my life when I am doing all I can to just take care of myself is not healthy. I have been living a good life of recovery the last 3+ years. I may not do it perfectly, but I do it much better than I have before.

It was wonderful to be with my grandson and to see my daughter and my son who lives in the same apartments. It was nice to see such a different and yet beautiful environment. It was wonderful to be of service.

And then there were the not so comfortable times. I choose not to divulge them all here for the world to see. I will just say that family is not always easy. Especially for people in recovery. I had an overload of family and many times reverted to old coping mechanisms! They still don’t work. I don’t tolerate many things like I did in the past tho. My self preservation kicks in and not everyone likes the new me. The me that cares about ME! The me that sees how hard I am working and doing the best I can one day at a time. I have had many hard lessons that I can’t please everyone all the time! Nor should I have to.

It was good until it wasn’t, and then it was time to come home. My place of refuge. The place I can focus on me and taking care of myself. The place where I am loved and appreciated…if only by chickens! 🙂 And yet, I know that not to be true either. I have many wonderful people who have watched me grow and love me how I am wherever I am! And today… I love myself enough to do the next right thing for myself! That truly is growth.

My journey has led me home, where I can work more on healing old hurts, finding out how to live life on lifes terms and taking it One Day at a Time trusting God to provide all I need. It is the only way I can do what I do. It isn’t always comfortable and I still have not found and easy way in life! Life is work! Recovery from a life that has marred one is really a LOT of work! I may not have a J O B…but I am working…trust me!