A public service announcement for Oregon gamblers.

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If you or a loved one suffers with compulsive gambling, there is HOPE and HELP!!! For both you and the gambler. Both inpatient and outpatient treatment is free in Oregon.

I am posting this as a public service. Gambling is a serious public health concern. A recent study says that 1 in 37 adults in Oregon are compulsive gambler’s. http://nbc16.com/news/local/study-1-in-37-oregon-adults-are-problem-gamblers
Genetics, psychological risks and social risk factors such as single parent home or poverty are predisposing factors. Time, money and location makes it easy.  http://nbc16.com/news/local/study-1-in-37-oregon-adults-are-problem-gamblers

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My favorite community has had gambling brought to it. I am concerned for my friends.

Gamblers have the HIGHEST suicide rate of all addictions. https://800gambler.org/quick-facts-gambling-suicide/

The statistics are probably lower than what is the real truth.  Many suicides are listed for different causes other than gambling despite the fact a person had a compulsion to gamble. Also the research is limited.  http://lanieshope.org/gambling-addiction-suicide

Reach out and get the help you deserve if you have a problem.
National Problem Gambling Help line: 800-522-4700
Gamblers Anonymous Oregon and Washington: 855-2CALLGA (855-222-5542)
Oregon Problem Gambling Hotline: 1-877-MYLIMIT (1-877-695-4648)
Voices of Problem Gambling: http://vpgr.net/
Smart Recovery: http://www.smartrecovery.org/addiction/gambling_addiction.html
For the family there is Gam-anon: https://www.gam-anon.org/
Oregon Council on Problem Gambling: http://www.ncpgambling.org/state/oregon/ and http://oregoncpg.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/OCPG-HANDBOOK_REV_OPT-8-14-17.pdf


Anyone that needs direction to services may contact me through my blog https://nobetz.wordpress.com/ or my community Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/MsLadybugAndHerLayers/.  You do NOT need to face the storm alone!

Day 5 – I’m gonna live!


I do not think all medications are bad. There are situations where pharmacological medications are curative or the benefits outweigh the potential risks or side effects. At this time in my life, having been on a variety of pharmacological medications with less than optimal results, as evidenced by my struggles (breakdown) the last month, I am wanting to go a more holistic way. It started with medical cannabis and I now am more interested in what nature has to offer.

One of the main reasons for doing gardening and animal care when I am in such a challenging financial and physical and emotional situation is they give me purpose on days I struggle. I am so grateful that I started that.  Putting in a garden and attracting butterflies and hummingbirds gives me something pretty to watch and look for. Being out in nature and getting a little exercise is one of the BEST medicines there is. On many days when I am in pain or just overwhelmed, having those things I MUST get up for …makes me still have a life. Hey Sigmund has done a nice outline here of a more holistic approach for mental health strategies.


I started off using the medical cannabis (MMJ) mostly for pain. I was on fairly high doses of Oxycodone and it wasn’t working. At least not enough.  This contributed to my IBS for certain, causing severe constipation.  MMJ has been a wonderful option for getting off opiates. It also has improved my mood greatly, until I get into a panic situation or PTSD gets triggered. I still having to do some learning on that. I have a couple strains that I have been given or bought (thank you to the growers) and it works. But the medication I need now needs a special license to process and so I can’t get it as easily. Rick Simpson Oil (RSO) was the BEST cannabis medication I have had to date that helped me the most.  I was calm and pain was much better controlled than with the opiates.

To get the strains that I need for anxiety and PTSD challenges I have to now go the dispensary. In one week I went through $100 worth of RSO and other types of MMJ products in addition to my usual use of the tinctures and butter and flower I have already at home. I can’t afford that. I sure hope they don’t take out the OMMP because of recreational. This is my medication now.

I had it suggested to me to try some skullcap when my belly settles a bit more. It’s a nervine. Nervines are an classification of herbal remedies for mental health conditions that have evidence of high anxiety. I was also told a student of herbology that nervines such as Skullcap can actually help in the healing of my brain after long term use of various medications. Hearthsidehealing in Portland, OR presented this article on nervines written by Jon Keys.


While the last few days have been incredibly difficult emotionally, I have no desire to take those pills again. I do not crave them at all, which is a bit strange based on dealing with my gambling disorder and the drive I had for that. I feel that with the medications I was more dependent on them, whereas the gambling for me is a true addiction. But in all honesty, I really had no idea I had an emotional attachment to the medications. They were prescribed by my NP for my various ailments over the course of the last 5 years. Some of them I had been on for nearly 20 years off and on.  When one has a number of medications like that there is always concern about them being discontinued, or brands changing (can be very difficult for some), or your doctor saying after a number of years prescribing, “no more, we have to stop this”. Or there is confusion about getting it refilled. It is really a painful experience to be taking 60-90mg of oxycodone a day and then not have it for 36 hours! Very painful.

I think this is the 5th night since my last dose and while life isn’t bubblegum and rainbows, it’s better than it was 24 hours ago. I even ate! That is one of the big side effects with my withdrawal is NO appetite. Additionally, I think I have only had about 6-7 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. For tonight I’ve made myself a nice hot cup of cannabis tea. I feel very tired. But not as despondent  and sick as I was off and on the last week. Yay God!

Only two sleeps and I will see the counselor that I have seen before.  As well as my NP was to be putting in a referral to a psychiatrist for me.

I really appreciate those who are following. I hope you share this all over the place! I really want people to know what detox from a benzodiazapine after on and off use for 20 years looks like. I want people to know it’s possible to improve from a dependency, an addiction, or a number of mental health ailments by making just a few lifestyle changes. And help me remember that the only person I really need to take care is me. 🙂 Peace!


**This is no way an endorsement for taking yourself off medications.  I have discussed this with my Nurse Practitoner and it has been a slow taper over 18 months.  One medication at a time.



Looking deep

Looking Deep

One of the most important focuses of my life is my recovery.  I am an addict and my addiction of choice is gambling.   I am so grateful that I haven’t had to place a bet in a significant period of time.  2 years, 10 months, and one day. I won’t talk hours and minutes and all the details here.

For the uninitiated to addiction and recovery, one ALWAYS knows the exact date, time and circumstances of their last “escapade” or rather…escape from whatever pain plagues them at the time.  If you are active in your addiction of choice, then you are counting the hours til you can find your next fix or bet or drink or if your are addicted to prescription drugs and trying to live under the constraints of a medication agreement, then when you can take your next dose without affecting yourself too much til your next dose.  (I personally know someone on methadone who really has had to make a concentrated effort to take thier doses exactly as they are prescribed to not get sick).

If you are abstinent, and hopefully actuallly working a RECOVERY program, then you state your last date of activity in the addiction of issue with hopes of keeping it (not an easy feat for many) and as a measurement of time that you really could LIVE without doing it.~  Seriously, for those affliced it is that bad.  We don’t know that we can’t LIVE without doing what our addiction is.  We feel like life will end if we dont find a way.

AS I originally started this post with a comment that recovery is part of my daily life, today was my day of connection with others that know and understand my affliction.  Since I’ve come to live in the country and it is dark so early in the day, my days of meetings with like minded individuals occurs on Sundays.  It is a coming together with family: a connectedness,: a place of confession (it isn’t at all like going to a confessional, it’s more a sharing thing);  listening (yeah, if you are going to rant your own stuff that means you need to sit there and listen to EVERYONE else)..and for a single person…gettting and giving some hugs.  I personally had not had any physical interaction (talking face to face, eye to eye, physical) with another human in 4 days.

Fortunately, and uncomfortabely at times, this way of life, recovery, makes me have to look really really deep.  I have been in a place of mind and spirit that I have been really evaluating WHERE I am in life and in my recovery.  And so I was looking in the mirror.  And then I decided to have fun with it with the camara on my phone.  Because of the emotions I’ve been experiencing, my eyes are a color that only a few in life have seen.  If  my eyes are this color of green, then it means I am feeling whatever I am feeling…very deeply.

Feelings….that is another topic completely.  If you struggle with emotions, or addictions (which I believe to be a struggle with emotions), then I hope you  find something you can use here at some point in time.

Today, I decided I had to take off my “fake it til you make it” and state that I have had some personal pain and struggles.  I want my blog to be a place of growth for me and for others and so I share from my heart.  Not everyone can find a place of like-minded  people to share with.  You are welcome here.